Seasons never last forever.

It seemed like everywhere I turned these past few months I heard that I was entering the strangest year of my life.

I heard the word miserable more than a few times, confusing and wonderful used in the same sentences. Now, on the other side of this first untethered month, I get it. There’s no end date on my job description, no promise I’ll return to what’s been normal for the past four years. There’s only a gloomy office building, and the writing on the wood-paneled walls reads, “You won’t be here long.” I hope the walls aren’t lying.

The truth is, this season has felt so far like a free fall. I was warned about this: it’s not bad, but it’s different. I’m starting over, from the ground up, with new expectations and new routines and a new normal. Even the familiar bits of life are somehow changed. I am somehow changed.

All of that change tends to bring with it a significant dizziness. My days are often punctuated by the pounding drumbeat of an anxious heart. I have more questions than answers.

Growing is good work, but it’s hard work.

Click here to read more on That First Year.